Headless councillors and Private Fraser at Fife Council

Kylie Minogue, bingo, HMS Brexit and Groundhog Day also popped up as Fife's finest gathered in the council chambers, and around their laptops, to bicker and point fingers, as well as agree on a council tax freeze and some £14 million or so of investments.

Provost Leish was in the role of referee, seeking a good clean contest, and for a change he kept his cards in his pockets.

Fife provost Jim Leishman. (Image: Fife Council)

Leader of the opposition, David Alexander, knows his audience and kept the man in the middle onside by jovially starting his speech with a 'C'mon the Pars'.

READ MORE: Council tax frozen in Fife but rents and charges go up by five per cent 

There wasn't much to disagree with as regards the budget proposals - they were largely the same, leading one councillor to suggest it was the equivalent of "two bald men fighting over a comb" - but, as in football with VAR, the technology became a talking point.

We were 15 minutes late in starting due to 'technical issues', there was a lengthy briefing with councillors being told which buttons to push, and there were gremlins throughout.

'Off with their heads' was the cry from Fife's voters as, due to new automated cameras, councillors getting up to speak were informed "If you're tall it's focusing on your torso rather than your face."

The screen showing those joining the debate from home conked out at one point, we then had a dog barking and later a random burst of what sounded like a Spanish radio talk show cut through the debate, silencing the chamber and leading to bemused looks all round.

We had to wait half an hour for the first mention of 'Thatcher', there was a complaint about the "fastest finger first" method of deciding who got to speak and the now tiresome panto of "It's a coalition", "Oh no it isn't" got another airing too.

SNP councillors delved into their own TV times to slam council leader David Ross' dire predictions of impending financial doom, comparing him to Mrs Doyle in Father Ted - "he just likes the misery" - and Private Fraser from Dad's Army.

Always on form, Cllr John Beare then advised him to cheer up, "stop listening to Leonard Cohen and pop on some Kylie" instead.

He also found time to rebuke Cllr Altany Craik for "chuntering from a sedentary position" while SNP councillors were speaking.

Labour councillor Altany Craik pens sexy satanic novels. (Image: Fife Council)Warming to the theme, Cllr Craig Walker said it was Groundhog Budget Day with "Punxsutawney David Ross" casting a dark shadow over Fife with bleak proclamations that "have no credibility whatsoever".

Still with the SNP, one councillor spent most of her allotted five minutes listing streets in Kirkcaldy that had potholes, saying the investment in 2023-24 had made little difference, seemingly overlooking that her party had proposed spending less on the roads than the administration did in last year's budget.

It was recently revealed that the man concerned with filling those craters, transport spokesman Cllr Craik, writes 'sexy satanic' novels - no, me neither - and the critics in the chamber delighted in sharpening their pencils.

Cllr Alexander was first in, saying Labour were "acting like folk whose faces are tripping them after reading one of Cllr Craik's books".

The author scripted a quick comeback, saying there were "too many big words in it for you Davie", and then gave a poor review of the SNP budget proposals.

Cllr Craik said: "It may as well have read 'Please sir, I couldn't be bothered to do my own budget so I copied the administration one and added a few to make it look different."

Taking a more worldly view, Cllr David Barratt wondered why "mankind is capable of putting a man on the moon" but incapable of allowing one to walk into a recycling centre without spending £540,000 on 18 extra staff to lead pedestrians, like "lemmings", around Fife's rubbish sites.

He said he was glad that report had been pulled on and looked forward to something better.

And so say all of us.